Home « Tiger Woods

Hey, dude, you wanna get that Jesus, just when Id dropped off to sleep


Couldnt you get it yourself Hi there. Ive come about the room for rent. Im Tiger Woods. Whoa dude, youre my favorite sportsman of all time! No-one will ever match your incredible ball control! Heh yeah. Plus youre also not too bad at golf! Thank you. But right now Im taking time out for reflection. My days of sleeping with supermodels are behind me. Ive come here to get far away from any kind of temptation! Is Tiger home Hi there! Is this where Tigers living I need him to inseminate me. Tiger Woods I am not programmed to feel love. But I am programmed to have sex with Tiger Woods. Moooom! Have you come to visit me! Erm, not exactly, sweetie-honey. I just wanted to meet Tiger... Looks like Tigers making progress. He hasnt slept with anyone in over forty-five minutes. Ouch!! / Cant he keep his balls to himself Hole in one Sorry! Tiger, why cant you go practice someplace else The whole apartment is full of holes! Mmmmh... so many holes... Jesus hes even worse than I thought. Listen, I think were going to have to get rid of him. Leave it to me... Tiger! I bet you 5 dollars... you cant get that ball out of the bunker. Ha ha ha! What, for five measly dollars! There are 2 ladies. Why not, Im completely cured. What the...! What is this thing Its enormous! Oh, wow! Mmm, baby! You like that huh Ohhhhh. Look at that... I think the animals fallen in love with me. Heh heh. Its the first time anyones ever paid me to stand perfectly still. Hey! You two arent sexual perverts are you Our buddy should be along any second. We just want to give him a little surprise. Hey guys, I got the pizzas! What in the name of all thats holy! Hot mama! Id love to get to know you... but I cant... Im still in treatment... Oh yes I can! Errrrm... Sweetie-pie! This isnt what it looks like. Gimme a chance, and I can explain.. Im serious. This is... this is... erm my sister! Your sister Yeah, my sister.. my half-sister. No plea! Oh Go-! Arrgh! Human beings / refer to these miniature dwellings as cars. This is where they spend up to three quarters of their lives observe how a humans personality changes when it enters a car. Pick up the pace, you dumbass! What the hell are you waiting for! Will you get a freaking move on braindead motherf**** Im gonna rip out your steering wheel, stick it up your butt, and give you a freaking driving lesson! Eeeer, errrm, but wait...what what am I doing!! I just totally flipped out... Please forgive me father! There you have it: once they step out of the car, the average human reverts to his peaceful, mild-mannered behavior Notice how the male of the species worships his vehicle. This babys got mag alloy rims, a Vee engine, custom metallic bodywork, air conditioning, fully reclinable upholstered seats, four wheels, four doors, a steering wheel... Sometimes it would appear that the male would rather copulate with his car than with a willing female. Hey, why dont you drive me somewhere quiet so we can get freaky on the back seat Are you crazy! Dont you realize what that would do to the leather! Forget it! And here we see one of the paradoxes of that can be observed in humans when inside their beloved automobiles. As Im sure you remember, when the male is at the wheel, speed is always of the essence. Pick up the pace, you dumbass! What the hell are you waiting for! Will you get a freaking move on brain-dead mother***** Now for contrast, lets listen in on the behavior of a female, in a comparable situation. Not so fast! Not so fast! Slow down! Slow down! Jesus, not so... Are you finished Erm, er, I guess. Wanna cigarette Exhilarating, isnt it Here once again, we observe that male and female human beings are fundamentally incompatible. Hey!! Whos in the house DJ Pokitoooo!!! Today in The planets dancing with DJ Pokito I wanna talk to ya about the connection between music, dancing, and hard drugs! No No No to drugs. Noo, no! No No. People, its not true that most of the people who go to techno clubs to dance for twelve hours nonstop are on drugs. No! In fact the figure is 1 per cent 2% 10% 35% Ahahahahaha! Electricity to the max from the stacks! To the max! To the max! To the max! To the max! To the max with Pokito! DJ Pokitoooooooooooooo I personally have millions of close friends who can enjoy pumping techno house without feeling the need to take anything! For example erm For example For examplegimme a sec. For example... For example... For example My grandma! My grandma is crazy / about / dance music! Check out the moves, check out the moves, check out the moves! ... Dance, granny Funky! And she only takes pills prescribed by her physician! And we Djs never do drugs. If I have ever taken drugs may the earth open up and spew out a pink kangaroo! Hey! What the crap Its OK That kangaroo.. is not pink! OK, I meant a pink kangaroo that breaks both my legs with a bar made of iron. Ha ha ha! You see that Theres no iron bar No bar. Oh crap! Whos in the da house I think Im ready to give my verdict. Bring on the wheel of fortune!!!! And the verdict is Hes guilty!! Ooh! Give it another spin! You see And they complain the justice system doesnt give people a second chance